International Alliance of Holistic Lawyers IAHL Blog

Introduction to Teleseminar with Stu Webb

Gretchen Duhaime — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 20:22:19 GMT

As a long-time advocate of the need to find ways to improve our legal system, I quickly responded to the New York Times article about Bill Van Zyverden’s creation of IAHL and joined the organization. This resulted in some wonderful Annual Meetings: Washington DC and admission to the Supreme Court; Florida Keys; several New England settings, Lake Tahoe, among others. Thank you, Bill.

One of Bill’s ingenious decisions was not to attempt to define “holistic law”, but to leave it to the members and their advocacy to give it meaning in their day-to-day practice. We have sought to do this in our workshops and our lives.

Our up-coming telephone conference will be another opportunity to engage in this exercise and share in aspects of holistic law that are working for us.

Without making Collaborative Law the subject of our conversation, at some point, as Founder of this concept, I may share my experience of Collaborative Law as a subset example of one way of practicing law in a holistic manner.

For those of you not familiar with Collaborative Law, it’s basic premise—and one holistically centered--is that each of the parties’ collaborative lawyers work for settlement only and do not go to court. The lawyers withdraw from representation if the case does not settle.

This makes a dramatic—and holistic—shift in the way the attorneys work with their clients---and each other.

The parties have the option to utilize trained neutral interdisciplinary experts to assist in the settlement, e.g. neutral financial experts, mental health professions and child specialists.

Other resulting holistic impacts:

The process encourages coming from an implicit spiritual base, encouraging integrity, honesty, fairness, cooperation, intuition, trustworthiness, respect, etc.
The attorneys come from centered places in support of their clients and the settlement space.
The relationship between the lawyers shifts from an adversary to a facilitative mode.
Four-way problem-solving meetings set a positive setting for communication and resolution.
Full disclosure in the norm so all working on the same page.

Join us on Friday to discuss this important topic and any other issues you want to raise.

Ramping Up the Holistic Law Movement by Cheryl Conner

Gretchen Duhaime — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 16:24:02 GMT

IAHL teleseminar, 8/13/2010

by Cheryl Conner, M.A., J.D.

Founder, New Prospects Collaborative,

Faculty, MBA in Sustainability Program, Marlboro Graduate Center, Brattleboro, Vt.

All over America, many good, decent lawyers individually inquire into their personal evolution, striving to integrate this intimate process with their outer practice of the law. Sometimes, we step outside of the solo journey, seeking companionship with like minded folks, both to learn and to enjoy the special pleasures of community.

We are like hundreds of birds, flying in the sky, yet to identify the flock of birds with whom we can slip into a common rhythm and resonance to fly “as one”. When we join a local Restorative Justice panel or the International Alliance of Holistic Lawyers, we hope to feel a sense of alignment, shared purpose, a powerful connection. Sometimes it happens instantly and we are enriched and elevated.

At this juncture in our democracy, coming together and “acting as one” is more important than ever. We must harness and direct our collective power as spiritually inquisitive and evolving lawyers who possess competencies which are crucial at every level of our society. We must work harder at coming into alignment with each other in our organizations and in community. The harnessed power of all of us can be revolutionary. We have joined effectively together in so many ways, making headway on

alternative dispute resolution, for example.

But, most of us still work in contexts in which our visions for a loving society rub up against organizational forms biased against our visions. What is the next stage in our evolution as lawyers with a holistic perspective? What is our role vis-a-vis a more fundamental transformation of legal and economic institutions?

Some fundamental reform efforts are underway in the business world and we holistic lawyers may want to build partnerships across the business, economic and environmental sectors. In this hour, I will share observations about businesses for social responsibility, teaching alternative business models in an MBA Program in Sustainability and launching a health initiative. I look forward to being in conversation with you, as the bravest of lawyers, committed to bringing your whole selves to the transformation of

society.

Are we ready to dig deeper to challenge the fundamental flaws in our democracy and economy? Can we come into alignment, as one beautiful flock of empowered lawyers, filling the sky with our love and our vision?

To register for IAHL's free teleseminar with Cheryl, visit our Events page.

Hearts at Peace by Hilda Porro

Gretchen Duhaime — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 00:50:26 GMT

This week's blog post is from IAHL Board member Hilda Porro.

I read a book recently that I highly recommend (recommended to me by Kim Wright – thank you, Kim!!!). It’s called The Anatomy of PEACE by Arbinger Institute. There is so much of value that I could share and the information is relevant to my law practice and every other part of my life. (And isn’t that at the essence of being a holistic lawyer, that my work and my life are not in any way separate?)

“. . . we can’t be agents of peace until our own hearts are at peace.”

Much of the focus of The Anatomy of PEACE is discerning whether our own hearts are at peace or at war. The authors provide stunningly clear guidelines to aid in this discernment. It becomes so clear that, even if we are saying the “right” thing and acting completely appropriately, if our own hearts are not at peace it will be difficult to create a truly peaceful and satisfying outcome. It reminds me of a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote: “Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying”.

As lawyers (and as human beings) we often have so much to DO that we can forget who we really are and why we’re doing what we’re doing. It is simple, although not always easy, to remember to ask – in the midst of any activity – is my heart at peace? The shift can be subtle, yet powerful.

Professional Mother

Gretchen Duhaime — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:06:27 GMT

This week's post is from IAHL Board member Gretchen Duhaime

Part of being "holistic" for me is not fracturing myself into separate personas for "work" and "personal." I'm a work-at-home mom (WAHM) so I spend most of my working hours with my children nearby. I saw something recently commenting that WAHMs might not be taken seriously in their businesses because many perceive "professionalism" to be in conflict with "mother." That is, if I am caring for a child I can't also produce good work product.

I began wondering what is it about mothering (distinct from motherhood) that might make me less effective in my job? My first thought was all the distractions children bring. I am typing this with a 7-week old infant in my lap and a 22-month old playing nearby, so apparently I am still able to string together coherent thoughts.

If distractions aren't detracting from my work, what else might cause people to label WAHMs as unprofessional? I came back to my meaning of holistic - of being a whole, integrated person. Is it possible that we are so accustomed to separating work from "life" (in some sort of "balance") that the possibility of blending the two is inconceivable?

What do you think? What has your experience been either as a parent or someone who works with parents?

When the Going Gets Tough by Fran Brochstein

Gretchen Duhaime — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 15:04:36 GMT

This week's blog post is from IAHL Board member Fran Brochstein.

I am a member of the LinkedIn group on ADR, Conflict Resolution & Mediation Exchange.

This week an interesting question was posted that generated a lot of interesting answers.

The question that was posted was: “What single phrase or mantra do you use to support yourself when the going gets tough in supporting others to resolve conflicts or when you are in conflict with others?"

Here are samples of some of my favorite answers – some serious and some not so serious:

· “Trust the process” is one I have found useful

· “Stay curious” – especially when I am in conflict with others. I will also sometimes adopt the Alice in Wonderland phrase “curiouser and curiouser” to do “deepening work” in a mediation

· Anger is a vehicle of communication that always carries a message. The person who expresses anger is trying to present information. Often it is information that, without the anger, he wouldn’t have the courage to express…

· I try to focus on the underlying message, not necessarily the expressed emotion or the surface message. I guess my mantra would be “I wonder what is underneath this”

· If this were easy, anyone could do it

· Expect emotion, not logic and respect emotions of others

· I have found that emotions are 80% and logic is 20%, and when we negate the emotions of the other we are insulting and irritating the persons more. Respect their feelings, feelings are never right or wrong, so don’t use logic to analyze the feelings. Show empathy and compassion for them, and slowly the logic will surface.

· Anger is like quicksand; the more you fight or try to control it, the deeper you sink…Bottom line, personal perspective of the situation is paramount. What am I feeling? What am I thinking? My mantra is “It’s all good”

· Think outside the box

· Conflict is usually emotionally driven and not logic driven

· I take my ego out of the process and let the “magic” happen

· I am visualizing my hands slowly closing around your neck

· Lets take a step back and evaluate how you would advise someone if they were in the same situation – evaluative role playing at its best

· My primary role is to actively listen. Most people just want someone to HEAR them and acknowledge their pain in a safe environment.

· It will unfold

· I am the guardian of the process; I am not in charge of the outcome

· Breathe

· Goddess, let me be a channel for your peace, your love and your clarity

· Stay present and pay attention

· KISS – keep it simple & short

· Patience is a virtue

· I think to myself after I just heard something alarming…take a couple of deep breathes, remain calm, do not let my face show any strong reaction, don’t say anything to inflame the situation, be thankful that this is one mistake that I chose not to make in this life & remember there are 2 sides to every story

· I’ve observed that for some people I am exposing them to a completely new way of conflict resolution that they have never tried before

· The alternative to resolving this dispute is playing the mutual game of death by a thousand bleeding wounds inflicting on each other – day after day – month after month – year after year. One of you wins a bloody victory not worth winning – the other a loss – marked by pain, suffering, financial loss and the empty feeling of frustration. This war needs to be ended now.

· When I have finished listening to someone in a conflict, I say that I understand the complainant’s point of view and then look for common threads in all arguments to reach a mutually acceptable resolution. You know you have been successful in mediation when both sides are a little bit on happy. One of my clients stated that after a successful mediation.

· Take light things seriously, and seriously things lightly

· As self talk, “stay calm, be courageous, and watch for the signs”

· My favorite is “trust the process”

· Do I have a dog in this hunt?

· The 2 most liberating phrases for me are “I don’t know” and “you may be right”

· I like one my mother used to say – “this too shall pass

Advice from the First Holistic Attorney

Gretchen Duhaime — Thu, 20 May 2010 12:53:36 GMT

This week's blog post is from IAHL Board member Fran Brochstein.

I am often asked who was the first holistic attorney.
Abraham Lincoln’s name is often mentioned as being the first “holistic” attorney.
Below are some quotes from a law lectures from around 19850 that reflects Abraham Lincoln keen wit and outlook about the legal profession…

“Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser – in fees, expenses, and waste of time. As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough.”
“Never stir up litigation. A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this. Who can be more nearly a fiend than he who habitually overhauls the register of deeds in search of defects in titles, whereon to stir up strike, and put money in his pocket? A moral tone tough tot be infused into the profession which should drive such men out of it.”
“The matter of fees is important, far beyond the mere question of bread and butter involved. Properly attended to, fuller justice is done to both lawyer and client. An exorbitant fee should never be claimed. As a general rule never take your whole fee in advance, nor any more than a small retainer. When fully paid beforehand, you are more than a common mortal if you can feel the same interest in the case, as if something was still in prospect for you, as well as for your client. And when you lack interest in the case the job will very likely lack skill and diligence in the performance. Settle the amount of fee and take a note in advance. Then you will feel that you are working for something, and you are sure to do your work faithfully and well. Never sell a fee note -- at least not before the consideration service is performed. It leads to negligence and dishonesty -- negligence by losing interest in the case, and dishonesty in refusing to refund when you have allowed the consideration to fail.”
“There is a vague popular belief that lawyers are necessarily dishonest. I say vague, because when we consider to what extent confidence and honors are reposed in and conferred upon lawyers by the people, it appears improbable that their impression of dishonesty is very distinct and vivid. Yet the impression is common, almost universal. Let no young man choosing the law for a calling for a moment yield to the popular belief -- resolve to be honest at all events; and if in your own judgment you cannot be an honest lawyer, resolve to be honest without being a lawyer.”

Kindness

Gretchen Duhaime — Wed, 12 May 2010 11:21:51 GMT

This week's post is from IAHL Treasurer Laura Parrett Davenport.

I read something today about kindness, and incorporating it into all parts of your life. Part of it was the idea that by being kind to others, you are actually being kind to yourself - if you're nice to someone, you feel good, if you're not, maybe not so much.

Also today, I spoke to a client who was complaining mightily about an attorney she had hired. She said the attorney was mean, and aggressive, and expensive and didn't listen and didn't work on her behalf. Who knows what really happened, but I thought, "Gee, this client certainly didn't feel kindness from that attorney."

So that got me thinking more about how attorneys are viewed and how the most common complaint is supposed to be that "the attorney never calls me back." Would it be that hard to extend that common courtesy? Especially when you are getting paid for that call? Now clearly, there are clients that have unrealistic expectations or call nine times a day, but not all of them.

So, my challenge to me and to you today, is to look at your next client interaction, see if there's kindness in it, and consider whether you could add a little. And as always, be kind to yourself!

Aligning with Your Purpose and Values

Gretchen Duhaime — Wed, 05 May 2010 18:42:38 GMT

This week's post is from upcoming IAHL Teleseminar presenter J. Kim Wright, J.D., author of ABA Best Seller Lawyers as Peacemakers: Practicing Holistic, Problem-Solving Law

In my most cynical times, I sometimes say that law school was a soul-ectomy. Our minds are well trained but to say that our emotions and matters of spirit are discouraged in our profession would be an understatement, at least in the law schools of the past. There is nothing wrong with thinking like a lawyer, which has many uses, but there is more to a human being than a mind. No one told us that after graduation we could return to those disowned parts of ourselves.

Why Are You Here?

Several years ago, I found myself in the buffet line next to Dean David Hall, then of Northeastern Law School. David Hall is a very tall, quiet man who exudes spiritual peace. I thanked him for the work he was doing in the legal profession, on behalf of all of us who benefited from that work. Humbly, he dismissed my praise and said he was called to do it. “Yes, but you answered the call,” I reminded him. So often, we hear the call and ignore it. It eats away at us. We know it is there. We feel it when we get up in the morning. We self-medicate to quiet it.

What does your heart yearn to do? What cause or action would fulfill the promises you made to yourself before cynicism and despair took over? What difference were you born to make?

To read more from this excerpt from Lawyers as Peacemakers, visit here

To order Lawyers as Peacemakers, visit here

To register for IAHL's free teleseminar with J. Kim Wright, visit here

Community and Gratitude

Gretchen Duhaime — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 19:55:17 GMT

This week's post is from IAHL Board member Gretchen Duhaime.

One of the reasons I treasure my involvement in IAHL is the community. We have created, and sustain, a group dedicated to improving the legal profession from the inside out. I was fortunate to meet some members of that community on my recent Legal Wellness Tour.

The tour just ended (I arrived home yesterday afternoon), and the 7 weeks on the road reaffirmed my place as a wellness steward for the legal profession. In my wellness model, the 7 Purposes, community is part of the External Purpose, where we express our creativity and give/receive gratitude for our contributions. I'll share an exercise with you that was great fun in my workshops on tour.

The Juggling Hat Dance
Resolving conflicting priorities

We all wear many hats – lawyer, spouse, family member, friend, volunteer, and so on. Sometimes we have to wear more than one hat at a time, and sometimes we have to choose one hat over another.

Think of all the hats you wear, and the source of the greatest gratitude from each. Make a paper hat (literal or figurative) for each of your roles, decorating it to represent the gratitude you give and receive when you wear that hat.

Now it’s time for the juggling hat dance! Look at the common threads of gratitude for each hat. That is the key on piecing together your many hats to form one hat you can wear all the time.

7 Thought-Provoking Questions

Gretchen Duhaime — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 16:42:31 GMT

This week's post is from IAHL Board member Fran Brochstein

I recently learned of a new book by Dr. Ron Wolfson, “The Seven Questions You’re Asked in Heaven: Reviewing & Renewing Your Life on Earth”. I have never heard of Dr. Wolfson and have never read any of his books.

Even if you never read his book, I think that you will find these 7 questions simple yet so profound. These questions made me look deep within myself as to my core values.

I have made a copy of these questions and put them on my calendar for 12/31/2010 so that I can review them again in 2011. I am also going to email them to family and friends that I think will appreciate them. Enjoy!

1. Have you been honest with others, truthful with yourself, and faith with your God?

2. Did you leave a legacy (through your children or impacting the lives of other children)?

3. Did you set a time to study?

4. Did you have hope in your heart?

5. Did you get your priorities straight?

6. Did you enjoy this world?

7. Were you the best YOU you could be?

Improving Communication

Gretchen Duhaime — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 00:22:56 GMT

This week's blog post is from IAHL Treasurer Laura Parrett Davenport.

Communication is an interesting concept. I have joked, "If you ask 5 people to bring you cheese, and 3 of them bring all this wonderful cheese, and 2 bring peanut butter, is that your fault or theirs?" I have witnessed in my personal life and professional life where two parties were "communicating" and it was clear to me what each of them was trying to get across, but equally clear that they were totally missing each other's point.

I wonder how to catch myself in those situations? I suppose we've all found out later that we had been completely misunderstood - was there something that could have been said at the time to make that known? If you witness it, do you have a responsibility to do anything? Of course it's different if you are watching your kids have a misunderstanding than it is watching a judge and an attorney in a case that's not yours...

I have heard that an important part of communication is checking for understanding or repeating back, but I think that doesn't always work in practice, and could even lead to an accusation of mockery in a heated situation. What do you think? Any ideas on how to identify and conquer this (all too common!) problem?

Karma and the Law

Gretchen Duhaime — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:13:37 GMT

This week's post is from IAHL member Vikki Ford. Vikki is a counselor of law and doctor of metaphysics. Her website is http://www.mygeorgiafamilylawyer.com

So many times we as lawyers feel totally responsible for our clients and the outcome of our cases. Yet, there are two issues never discussed in court; karma and soul contracts.

What if a person has a karmic debt to pay in going through some legal action? Certainly as lawyers we do the very best we can to provide the best services for our clients yet “circumstances” occur. Some feel like miracles which I have personally experienced and others feel like no matter what you do; it just isn’t going to happen.

As an attorney and a licensed spiritual counselor, I see many people having to go through experiences which I believe they simply have to go through. We are here on this planet for a short time in this incarnation. Life still goes on and our purpose will be met whether we get it done this life or the next.

Even as attorneys we have group karma. If we join in with the ranks of those who destroy to get what they want, well folks, we are going to have some pretty nasty karma. Yet if we join the group that brings spiritual enlightment and understanding to our clients, then our group karma will be raised and others can benefit.

If you are looking for case law on this issue, you simply won’t find it. Yet, I am writing more from a counselor viewpoint than a legal one as it just works better for me personally. I’m not saying we shouldn’t do our best for our client, nothing of the sort, but when a client comes into our office, or in my case on the Internet, since I have a virtual law practice, I do my very best for them. If I try to change everything about their life, I will gain their karma.

After working as a divorce attorney for several years I finally just handle divorces through a virtual law practice. Divorce in America is absolutely outrageous. Families are totally destroyed for years after their divorce. What I see happening with my friends is that no one wants to marry again. My little girl’s best friend is completely disturbed now due to her parents 4 year long divorce and it is still pending.

The divorce attorneys I know are miserable. I’m sure they have more income than I do as a juvenile attorney but so be it. I’ll make my income in a way that brings joy.

All of this has caused me to write a new book as a lawyer and counselor. I naively became an attorney thinking I could help people and I do believe we can if we focus on becoming more professional and yes HOLISTIC!!!

Discovering My Counselor-at-Law Hat

Gretchen Duhaime — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 19:15:52 GMT

This week's post is from IAHL Board member Marjorie Carter

I’ve been practicing law since 1991 and mediating since 1995. But within the last couple of years, I’ve realized that my style of practicing law, especially in dealing with my clients, has become almost entirely intuitive and my mediation style is becoming much more transformative. I can’t pinpoint when things started to change for me, or exactly how. But I think it had something to do with the fact that I tend to attract really nice clients, and I want to do a great job for them. But by the time they get to me, there’s a lot that’s happened in their lives that I just can’t fix. And there are things clients are expecting the legal system to fix that I know won’t get fixed, because I know how the court system works and clients
only know about how they think it should work.

I spent the first part of my legal career feeling bad about that. Sometimes I felt like if I were a better lawyer, I’d know how to fix everything. After a while I realized that many of the things I worried about fixing weren’t going to be within my control, no matter how great a lawyer I became. I also started thinking about the fact that, in my own life, some situations that I had perceived as problems or obstacles turned out to be opportunities for personal growth. So I realized that, for me, it had been good that some things couldn’t be fixed, because I learned from them. And the obstacles I encountered often pointed me in a direction where I needed to be.
So I started to focus more on just listening to my clients when they talked to me, rather than letting my mind rush ahead so I could start trying to fix the legal problems. I just listened to them. Not like a therapist, of course, because I’m not trained in that discipline. More like I was wearing my “counselor at law” hat instead of my lawyer hat. And it fit as comfortably as Mr. Rogers’ sweater, so I kept wearing it more and more often. Now it’s my everyday hat, and my “kick-ass lawyer” hat has become my special
occasion hat. On occasion, it feels good to let my alter ego come out to cross examine a witness who’s being deceptive or misleading. But that’s not the person I mostly am.

In learning to deal with my clients more effectively, I’m finding that I’m learning more about who I am, so this counselor at law approach has been good for both of us. Now when I’m meeting with a client for the first time, I don’t have a clear idea of how our conversation will go, because it’s different every time. I still tell clients about the different process options that are available to them (mediation, collaborative, cooperative & litigation), and I still provide information about the law regarding the various issues, but everything else evolves from our discussion. My first meeting with clients has become one of my favorite parts of the job. I always look forward to seeing how the client may touch my life and how I
may be able to touch the client’s life, whether or not I’m able to fix everything.

When I discovered IAHL a few years ago, I learned that this new intuitive style I’d discovered was being called holistic, and that there was a whole group of practitioners around the world who had already been doing this for years. That was amazing to me. It was almost like the film Close Encounters of the Third Kind, where everyone started seeing their own vision of the mountain where the alien ship would land, and traveling there, instinctively, without knowing where they were actually going or why. But
when everyone arrived there, they knew they were in the right place, and in good company.

So now that I know that I’m not alone in taking this approach, I’m eager to learn as much as I can from the attorneys and mediators I’m encountering through the organization. I want to find out how they got to where they are, and what they’ve learned along the way. I feel like a whole new world has opened up for me, especially since I attended my first IAHL conference in Chicago (2009). I came back to St. Louis in June, left a law firm I had founded and grown to a 7-lawyer practice, and ended up opening a
new “holistic” law firm by October. There are days when I’m not at all sure how I got here or what I’m supposed to be doing, but somehow my intuition tells me I’m on the right track. I guess I’ll just keep on following that path and see where it takes me…

Helping Lawyers Integrate

Gretchen Duhaime — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 18:57:18 GMT

This week's entry is from IAHL Board member Gretchen Duhaime

I am a very recent law school graduate (January 2010), and when I started school in the fall of 2006, I had no idea there were lawyers consciously practicing in a holistic or even collaborative way. Sure, I knew lawyers that did mediation (I used one for my divorce in 2004), and some lawyers I knew seemed like nice folks, but no one I knew talked about the practice of law being damaging to lawyers or needing to change.

When I started law school, my goal was to learn how to be a better advocate and use the system to the advantage of those who had been downtrodden by workaday life. I had spent ten years in the business world, in a variety of industries (including not-for-profit), and everywhere I worked, everyone was unhappy and dis-integrated. I wanted to use my holistic training to help, but I didn't feel empowered enough without some type of advanced degree to give me credibility.

As I progressed through law school I learned more about the legal profession and how unhealthy and unhappy lawyers are compared to other professions. I decided to make lawyers my focus, and I developed a wellness model that is easy for lawyers to understand and adopt as part of their daily lives. Last May, I launched Practicing on Purpose LLC, wellness stewards for the legal profession.

Next Monday, February 8, we're launching the Legal Wellness Tour, bringing our programs and workshops throughout the continental U.S. I hope to see you at one of our workshops or IAHL meetups (take a look at our schedule at http://www.practicingonpurpose.com/tour where you'll find registration information). If you'd like to organize an informal IAHL meetup in your city, drop me a line at gretchen@practicingonpurpose.com (it's simple to organize, just let me know of a good place to have a meetup).

Being a Holistic Lawyer

Gretchen Duhaime — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:34:57 GMT

This week's post is from IAHL Board Member Fran Brochstein.

After IAHL’s North Carolina conference three years ago, I ordered new business cards that said “holistic attorney, counselor at law & mediator.” I came out of the closet as a holistic attorney.

Soon after I began using the term “holistic attorney” I received a phone call from an opposing counsel on a difficult family law case. This attorney is a successful attorney with the reputation for being overly aggressive and for pulverizing his opposing counsel. He is known for never settling a case and for refusing to attend mediation. He is also known as being a total control freak and has a reputation for filing contempt actions for minute matters that are normally settled between the attorneys. If this attorney is opposing counsel on a case, it is assumed that the divorce will run thousands of dollars.

After I said “hello” the first words out his mouth was something like “how dare you tell your client…” and he went on for several minutes accusing me of doing all sorts of irrational and unethical things. I almost laughed because I had done none of the things I was being accused of doing. However, I knew that laughing would only escalate his aggression toward me. My initial reaction was to fire back at him with a barrage of accusations about his client. At the beginning of the conversation, he tried to “bait” me into a verbal battle. No matter what I said, he would fire back with even stronger accusations and he hinted that he would “wipe the courthouse floor with me.”

I decided this was an opportunity to act as peacemaker and to put my holistic practices into play. I took a few deep breaths and asked him some questions from my heart. I then actively listened to his answers. I calmly kept asking him for additional information. No matter what he said I remained calm and respectful. I refused to fight with him. Gradually he began to calm down. His tone softened. He started talking slower. By opening my heart and responding in a non-aggressive manner, I gradually took control of the conversation. At the end of the telephone conversation, he actually apologized to me for jumping to conclusions. He also said that he knew we would be able to settle this case without going to trial. I was shocked due to his reputation for never backing down and for never admitting he was wrong.

When I hung up the phone, I felt peaceful and at ease. I recognized that I had all the power in the telephone call because I remained calm and did not attack him. Instead of being upset, I was felt good and energized. I had now had proof that being a peacemaker (aka holistic attorney) could work.

Compassionate listening

Gretchen Duhaime — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 16:18:16 GMT

This week's post is from IAHL Treasurer Laura Parrett Davenport

One of the difficulties in being a lawyer is that almost every day is filled with the unhappiness of other people. On one hand, that's what makes it great - the chance to help people, to show them a way they didn't see, to get them fair treatment in a system not always designed for it. On the other hand, all that misery can accumulate after awhile. I find sometimes that I think as I listen to a client's story, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard that a hundred times before," and want to just interrupt them and tell them what they need to do. I realize, though, that to do so would sell them short and sell me short. People have a great need to be heard and that is the somehow forgotten "counselor" part of our job. Compassion is a great virtue, but - at least in me - it's often dueling with impatience. It's been nice to associate with other attorneys through IAHL who can admit to our own humanness and look for ways to support each other in managing it. For myself, a deep breath and a reminder that even if I have heard the client's story a hundred times, it's a big deal in their life, and I'm asking them to trust me. The least I can do is listen!

How do you remind yourself to listen compassionately?

The sum of the parts...

Gretchen Duhaime — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 21:41:30 GMT

This week's entry comes from IAHL President carl Michael rossi

One of the cornerstone skills of a lawyer is supposed to be the ability to compartmentalize one's inner world. To set aside personal feelings and beliefs and work completely and only rationally on a client's matters.

From its creation, the IAHL has spoken its belief that this is not only unrealistic fiction, but that the perpetuation of the fiction does harm to both the lawyer and his/her clients. We believe that it is of much more value to both, and to society as a whole, to acknowledge the feelings and beliefs and actively integrate them with the rational decision-making needs that bring clients to us.

This morning my inbox contained a link to a scientific study that supports our beliefs...that our feelings have an impact on the quality of our decision-making. Not just in the heat of the moment, but long after when we think that we have "put them aside."

In this article from the Harvard Business Review, the researchers found that, to no one's particular surprise, when a person is irritated s/he makes bad, irrational decisions. What surprised, and worried them, was the discovery that even after the apparent effects of the "irritation" wore off some time later, the individuals still made bad, irrational decisions.

There was no relationship at all between what had irritated the individuals and the decision they had to make. The only connection was that the nature of the decision to be made was similar. And that was enough to derail their "rational" thinking.

It really is vitally important that we maintain a positive emotional state at all times if we are to do any serious good for our clients and others. There are many ways to engage in "self-care;" find some that work for you. And in the heat of any moment, as the author suggests before making any decision, for yourself OR any recommendation to a client..."Take a deep breath. Count backward from 10 (or 10,000). Wait until you've cooled off."

What are your favorite self-care strategies? How do you "pause and recompose" in the heat of the moment? I hope you'll share them with us.

Meaningful Lawyering

Gretchen Duhaime — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:12:37 GMT

This week's post comes from IAHL Board Member Gretchen Duhaime

I am so happy to be guest blogging this week on the new IAHL website! We're really excited about the new ways we'll be able to connect with members, and this blog is one of them. My blog, The Daily Practice, (at my website Practicing on Purpose LLC) gives a bit of food for thought on maintaining balance. Here's a post from last week that inspired the weekly poll at the ABAJournal:

December 8, 2009 - Meaningful Lawyering
I may have mentioned the article I'm writing about the benefit of wellness initiatives to law firms. Yesterday I met with a former professor to get his insight on what makes law firms and attorneys "unwell," and one of the key criteria he identified was finding meaning in one's work. Law has the potential to be extremely meaningful, as lawyers help craft and negotiate human relationships. Part of that is feeling one's contribution to the creation of something, as opposed to merely being a cog in a machine.

Do you have a story of a time you found lawyering especially meaningful? How did it compare to a time you might have felt like an automaton? I'd like to hear your stories, so drop me a line!

Would you like to contribute to the IAHL blog? Let us know!

Welcome to the IAHL Blog!

Gretchen Duhaime — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:30:12 GMT

We'll update this blog every week with a posting from one of our Board Members. Guest posts are also welcome, so if you're interested, drop us a line and we'll put you in the schedule.